patterns to set

After the other "newbies" (alguddad) finished their fusHa class today, we went to a tiny little foul&falafel place that Helena found. The boy working there (actually he's probably about our age) made fun of our mixed-up 'amiya/fusHa, and messed up Helena's order, but the food was good and cheap, and I think we'll be going back there more often (if only to speak better Arabic and try to prove to that guy that we are goofy because we're new, not because we're stupid). Michael, Helena, and I took our sandwiches along with us in order to see the National Museum in Alexandria before it closed at 3, and we had class at 4. None of us exactly remembered where it was, but two nice men showed us the way in the end, and our wandering helped us get a better idea of our surroundings.

The museum itself isn't exactly amazing as far as layout or presentation is concerned (and some of the English translations were a little hooky), but like everything we've seen here so far, the actual *stuff* is incredible. I can't really describe it...I'm going to go back and try to sketch some things when I'm not lugging around my laptop. And, though I don't think a photograph is necessarily what I need ( I felt like I'd seen some of the statuettes before in multimedia presentations, either here or at the Brooklyn Museum this summer), I decided today that I am not going to be embarassed about taking pictures in the future (especially since I usually want to take pictures of different things than other people...like that sign with the cherries&onion).

What made me determined to become an obnoxious photo-snapping tourist was not the beauty or the age of the art around me...it was three cute little school girls from Alexandria, all sisters, who insisted that I take a picture with them. When I asked them why they wanted me in the picture, they told me "Because you're beautiful!" I couldn't really refuse then (though don't get the wrong idea...if they'd been male they'd have gotten a completely different response), so I just smiled for the camera.

The point is that if I'm going to be the object in somebody else's photograph, I might as well take a few of my own. It's only fair play, right?

I do wish I had talked to the girls a little longer, because that would probably would have disspelled some of the awkwardness and made me feel like less of a...curiosity. In general, this kind of exchange makes me a little bit sad, because I feel like white skin, light hair and eyes are so over-glorified here(at home is another story). All of those girls (probably aged around 13, 9, and 7) were gorgeous, and today is definitely not one of my better days (those mosquitoes in our apartment--gah!). The same goes for my host sister Mona, and her sister Safa'. Safa' and her children (but mostly Mayor, who is the oldest) are always talking about how pretty I am, amongst themselves and to me. Some people have even explained it directly in terms of color. I would rather people treat me as a crazy foreigner/tourist/westerner for my skin color than automatically admire me because of it. And I'm about to dye my hair.

The first day I arrived here, Baba told Mona (she's a teacher) to bring me in to school with her so that her students would do well on their exams. Why? They'll be inspired by my beauty. "No, Baba," she told him, "They'll just be distracted." I think I prefer the calling and hissing in the streets from guys to the kind of looks I sometimes get from girls. Hopefully they don't think that they themselves are any less beautiful, and it is just a fascination with what's different, but I think there is a little more to it than that.

Going to the museum in between classes (and it was the perfect amount of time to do it...) really made me regret not studying in New York or another culturally interesting city. I would have loved to visit museums before and after class, wander around, make sketches and doodles...communicate with my surroundings. At Middlebury the environment is occasionally interesting and often forbidding, the classes and the workload are restrictive, and the location is isolating. It seems strange that I should have had to travel halfway around the world to have the student experience I always wanted to have.

That is basically the crux of why I'm so happy...or...before that, even, relieved to be here. Finally, my schooling is not getting in the way of my education! All this free time that I suddenly have doesn't mean I am bored, or dull, or dumb...it means I have time to make connections, to explore, to have good conversations with friends and strangers, to write and to learn, learn, learn. I have time, finally, to reply to emails, to read the news (!), and to discover things on my own. I even have time, amazingly, to study. The more I get acquainted with the city, the more I am able to do for myself, and the more I am able to teach myself.

It makes me angry and sad when I realize how hard I had to fight at "real"/American Middlebury to be the kind of person and the kind of student I wanted to be. I've only been here a few weeks and I feel I am quickly getting all the tools I'll need to find my own path for a thesis project...I feel I will be capable of putting together a program for myself in the fall if I can stay.

I miss my family, I miss my friends, I miss New Jersey, I miss New York (probably in the opposite order...after that experience with the Biblioteca, I really want a job in New York and to spend my summer in the New York Public Library system), and I miss the amazing professors I've had at Middlebury...but I want to come back here next fall.